Not Just a Pretty Painting

9"x10" Watermedia NFS

Today I have much to say.  Something changed for me.  I am sure it started a long time ago, but the realization just struck me today.  I have been going through a really tough year, physically, with a lot of pain, disappointments and incapacitation.  Although it may have been the biggest physical challenge of my life, and I am still in an unresolved condition, I have been able to stay afloat mentally and even been jolly a lot of the time.  I have attributed this to a number of things including:  having a generally bouyant personality, having inherited my mom's optimism in dealing with life, having a spiritual foundation, having a good family, lots of friends and many reasons to be happy.  None of these things really can be attributed to anything I "do."  It is dumb luck for the most part.  But today, I saw a pattern that has been growing in my life and it has everything to do with daily painting.  For the last 5 years I have attempted to have a daily painting habit.  There have been stretches of time when I didn't do that for very legitimate reasons, but mostly I have developed this habit.  All kinds of things can be said about that, but what I realized today, is that the most important part is that every day I look for things that excite my eye or create a feeling of joy and love in my heart/mind.  I have, through the daily painting process, developed the desire to find beauty no matter what else is going on.  So for me, it isn't really about my art career, or the product I produce, but it is about how I live my life, what I see and feel moment to moment despite the circumstances.  This is what has saved me this year.  This is what is inside me and what I have to say through my art.  It isn't going to be "dark" or probably "deep," but it will reflect what joy I am finding in my daily life.

This painting was a huge struggle for me and I think it was a metaphor for what I have been experiencing. It was a conflict alternating between beating it to death and trying to breathe life into it.  I worked it, reworked it, tried again, and then did some more.  So, at least for me, it's "Not Just a Pretty Painting," but a map of a battle and in it are a lot of lessons for me.  It probably won't ever get framed and hang on someone's wall to bring them a reminder of beauty and joy, but I will keep it to remind myself of this amazing and cathartic day in the life of this daily painter.
This is as profound as I get.